Wednesday, April 26

Lady recounts how she lost her friend to domestic violence

Another woman killed from domestic violence....

It's sad that I have to write this story, I haven't been myself since I saw Dorcas Onibode one year tribute post to this woman since yesterday. My God I wish I did more.

Early last year my childhood friend called to report her case to me, infact she practically begged that I reach out to her myself since she wasn't willing to seek help , I remember the first time I called her, She kept saying "Madam Please just help me anyhow I want to leave this man, I asked her to tell me the story in its entirety and that call spoilt my day, she was not only domestically abused, she was caged, molested, monitored, accused of infidelity by her husband and in-laws out of jealousy, beating her became a norm, her hairline is proof of how badly he treated her, he had a car tracker to monitor her, the security guard was his spy, she was living in fear according to her, He would beat her over the most meaningless thing,stopped her from making money of her own or doing anything.

At the time she called me he had sent her out of the house and took their kids to the village, luckily a friend who is an hairdresser took her in, the next day I asked her to go to the Women affairs department in Ikotun LGA and also go to the Police station to make an official report since she didn't have much on her to go to Alausa and sadly didn't have access to any bank account so there was no way I could send money to her , sadly he is very popular and someone informed him of her move, he came back to Lagos the following day, begged her not to take any action against him and she went back, I called several times afterwards but she never picked my call, I told my friend Dorcas , apparently she already shut her out too, he made her stop communicating with the world outside, I remember trying her number after about two months just to know how she is faring and luckily she picked and said she is fine and God had taken control, I knew he was there and she was lying, I could sense fear, just before I cut the line I told her I wanted to come see her but she declined , In her voice " Madam all is well don't worry,I will call you. I tried calling later that week and she never picked my call again.

She died last year from one of the beating episodes, she was already hypertensive, I even heard she jumped from the balcony of their one story building at a point during one of his muscle flexing exercise. I am sad because I didn't even hear about her death till yesterday, I practically fought with my friend Dorcas Onibode on phone after I saw her post, How could you have kept this away from me I asked, she said she couldn't bring herself to tell me considering how she rejected my help.

When Vivian told me the spiritual part of her predicament then on phone, it was as if someone was reading an African magic script to me ; she told me how he hindered her progress spiritually and prepartrated things with his family to make her redundant, she even sounded older than her age, I saw her picture for the first time yesterday and screamed, my God she was just 34, her life cut short. On the spiritual level I know many of us are too spiritual and we don't believe in such but I do, I know of a notable woman whose husband did something similar to, beyond physically abusing her, he would pollute her anointing oil, put things under her pillow and everytime they had sex she suffers financial loss, nothing was working for her , she felt like a failure and only relied on what comes from her husband, this isn't just anybody but someone I know very well, she left that marriage like some action film and she is doing far better now, I hope she gives me permission to share her story one day.

Sad that some of Vivian friends encouraged her to manage her home according to what she told me then, I dare say that those people also killed her alongside her husband.

I am very sad, just look at the young boys she left behind , I hear the housemaid is the new madam of the house whilst the owner is six feet under the ground.

PLEASE STOP, JUST STOP encouraging women to stay in abusive relationships, you won't follow them to the grave, there is nothing good about being abused, if you can't advice them on what to do please direct them to an expert in the field.

I also want to beg our Men of God to please start addressing these things logically during their sermon, no one prays for a broken home but please STOP using the bible to manipulate women into staying in toxic relationships, separate spirituality from reality PLEASE.

PLEASE I BEG YOU if you are in an abusive relationship right now, please RUN before it's too late, look at Vivian , so beautiful and graceful yet her life was cut short.

Rest in peace Vivian, May God give you eternal rest and watch over your kids.

I am sad, very sad....... I wish I did more.

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