'My Husband Is No Longer Giving Me Good Sex'

 

I have been married for five years and have two boys. I am still the way I was before child-bearing. My shape and slim looks are still intact and many people who don't know still see me as a hot spinster and I always tell the guys that I'm happily married and they should stay off.

But an issue is shaking the foundations of my marriage. My husband has had little or no interest in s*x for about a year. I have tried to find out why he suddenly lost interest in s*x but he is not forthcoming. We have a good relationship apart from this problem but I cannot remain like this for long. I have done all kinds of things to seduce him. I've tried lingerie, backrubs, and romantic dinners, but nothing works. I don't know what else to do. Please help me.

 

- Blessing from Benin.

Below is Julie Coker's response to Blessing's bedroom trouble.

 

Dear Blessing,

Every couple goes through periods when one or both partners are too busy or not in the mood. But the sustained lack of interest you mention signals that something is wrong. Some physical conditions can lower libido in men, as can some medications. If you think illness may be a factor, urge your husband to have a complete physical examination.

Stress can also diminish s*xual desire, as can a deep-seated fear of intimacy. An affair can take a spouse's attention away from his partner, too. However, the most common reason men and women avoid love-making is unexpressed anger at their partner. Could your husband be upset about something in your marriage? Does he expect things from you that he doesn't feel he's getting?

 

Any hostile or negative feelings he has must be recognized and dealt with before you can find pleasure in love-making again. Have a serious talk, but if you can't communicate, I strongly suggest you see a therapist together.