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Wednesday, February 11

The Pressure To Have An "A List" Wedding By Adejoro Olumofin

Article is written by the Flamboyant Psychologist - Adejoro Olumofin
My upcoming Book "The Nigerian Wedding" encompasses the Pressures and Cultural framework that make up a Nigerian Wedding and the idea of Marriage in our Generation. Some of which are:
1) Paternal Pressure I.e Nigerian Parents putting pressure on their children to get married. They say things like: Continue...
I) I wanted to be a Grandparent by 60
ii) See your friend Tola she's married and pregnant what are you doing?
iii) Pastor said you should fast for 3 months so husband will come
iv) Pastor said you must wear white for the next 3 weeks so you'll attract guys who are ready
v) Don't be anyone's bridesmaid again the next wedding you're attending must be yours
vi) You're too old for casual friends. I want a son-in-law

2) Social Media Frenzy: If your wedding isn't Bella Naija, Wedding Digest or Nigerian wedding verified are you really married? Some Brides put Financial, Mental and Emotional strain on their partners just to outdo their friends or have the biggest wedding of the year. Sometimes this causes friction between husband and wife before they even leave the wedding hall. 

3) Expensive Jewellery and Wedding Attires: I've overheard some Ladies say "if my gown isn't Vera Wang I'm not getting married, or if I'm not wearing Red bottoms (Christian Louboutins) I'm not getting married.. Red bottoms are now the Official wedding shoes in Naija. 

4) Destination Weddings: The new "it" thing. There's been some controversy over Destination weddings. Some people are of the opinion that it's a waste of money, others think its unnecessary stress since you're Nigerian why fly abroad when all your friends and family are in Nigeria. This is subjective as the choice for some people is not about impressing others but doing what makes them happy and what their pocket can carry.

5) Makeup and Makeup Artists: A Nigerian wedding is such an Institution now that more than 50% of Ladies believe they will meet their husbands there so they don't joke with their appearance. Because of this, a lot of young ladies have made good careers out of making brides look gorgeous and also doing makeup for guests. But as Nigerians we sometimes take things to the extreme by judging a bride by the makeup artist she used or didn't use. You hear comments like "That bride was random", " Her makeup was tacky", "her guests looked too basic"

6) Aso-Ebi : This is a Traditional Attire chosen by a side of the family either Bride or Groom for their guests. Aso-Ebi has ended a lot of people's relationships or Marriages because some women spend all their Salary and savings on Aso-Ebi and forget to cater for important things at home such as children's school fees and meals at home. Some Aso-Ebi's cost 150,000 Naira, multiply that by 7 weddings, that's over 1 million Naira. This can go a long way if invested well.

(7) Wedding vs Marriage: No one talks about Marriage anymore or the ideas of Marriage in our Generation. We get carried away in the celebrations of the wedding and its Glamour that the idea of Marriage is left out. In the time of our Parents,things were different. There was no Instagram, Twitter or any form of social media to judge or rate weddings. Social media now serves as a platform for your wedding to gain approval and likes. Your wedding may be the biggest and the foundations of your marriage are small and your wedding may be the smallest and the foundations of your marriage are big. 

8) Bride-zilla: Some brides, as a result of their Social status and the status if their Husband, change and act "brand new" towards their old friends. They make crazy demands towards the planning of their wedding. Some bride's rent bridesmaids or screen their old friends who can't afford or meet up to the wedding plans. A bride in Lagos once told her friends to lose a ridiculous amount of weight or not attend her wedding because she wanted everyone to look like Models or Actresses.
9) Wedding based on Debt : As a result of the pressure to have a fairy tale wedding or "wedding of the year" some couples exceed their budget, sometimes get into debt from owing wedding planners, caterers or artist who performed at the wedding. Real life cases in Nigeria have seen couples owing between 10 to 15 million Naira after the ceremony.

10) Mother Vs Bride: Some mothers since their child was an infant they have planned their wedding ceremony. Most brides when they become teenagers also have an idea of what their special day should look like. Most times there is a clash of minds and hearts because some mothers take over their daughters day and it basically becomes the mothers wedding again with the bride being left out.
Your Wedding may be biggest and the foundations of your marriage may not be strong whereas your wedding may be small and intimate and the foundations of your marriage are solid. In all do what makes you happy and is in the best interest of you and your family most importantly your partner.
*Read More when my book is out* God Willing Summer 2015
DoktorMofins Blog is coming out soon

It will contain:
(1) Articles on pressing issues and real life problems in the Society
(2) People and Personalities of the Day
(3)Match Making (Giving people a platform to meet alike and similar personalities) I.e Hookups
(4) Personality Test and Psychometrics (Knowing yourself or Personality type is the first and key step in any form of Interaction)
(5) Fashion
(6) Interviews ( Hearing first hand from people have gone through Abuse, Divorce, 3 Decades of Marital Bliss, Single Mothers, Female CEOs, Female Billionaires, Actors, Models etc)
(7) Youth Empowerment

Read More Articles on his Instagram page : @joroolumofin

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